Margaret Renkl writing in the NY Times Opinion Section captures what we who have lived through, with, and around grief understand without question. We share the simple and critical act of humanity with each other. For Renkl it is a letter of condolence. For those of us #grief, #griefsupport, #widowed, etc. etc. our letters of condolences are written and sent daily because of our support of others with something as simple as a like or a comment. Sharing what we feel and writing is the letter of condolence in social media.
I do write notes or letters. On paper with a stamp. I am not sure if I captured what I wanted to say well or even effectively. What I do know is that small note mailed gives me a sense of pride that I am paying forward the small and powerful acts of humanity that I received.
Vanessa Billy writing for The Guardian penned this opinion piece that I have said one way or another or have read. "We need to talk about death: I was not prepared for how lonely grief would be" Those of us active or even passing through the #grief community knows this grief = loneliness. A simple straight forward equation.
Billy writes how following her fathers death her work, friends, and community were supportive, patient, and generous. Yet she still had sadness and moments of uncontrolable tears. Billy saw what many of us see and I know I feel very acutely. Talking about Donna her death and my thoughts even this distance from the moment causes uneasiness in others.
I can see that at times but what I am most troubled by and aware of is my own self-loathing when I do that. I can hear myself and see myself speaking about my grief and cute Donna stories and I know no ONE not a single person wants to hear this. Why don’t they just be polite and kind. Do an eye roll so I can see when to stop.
The larger question Billy raises is the one of listening. Just listen please and don’t judge. Help me by understanding that this is not sadness or pain as much as it is discovery. A touchstone of memory that opens my consciousness up. It is not a reliving the past but living in the moment with new knowledge and compassion for myself.
Nora Mcinerny TED Talk Oh Yes!
"Grief is so uncomfortable especially when it is someone eles's" Refer to the above this is a common theme for those of us in #grief.
Hell with it. No editorial here, just go listen to this TED Talk. I licked my fingers too. You'll see when you watch. This should be required watching with a quiz by anyone who thinks they understand those of us grieving.
Final editorial note on Mcinerny why the f*** did I bother to write a memoir about Donna and grief and post and tweet about grief loss mourning? She @noraborealis got it wired coast to coast and she is happy, young, and stunning as opposed to old and broken just waiting of expiration date. Bad day folk.s