This economics term 'velocity of money' made me think about grief. How grief takes on velocity beginning when we loose a loved one and continues to move forward. In monetary policy velocity it is the rate at which money is exchanged or the rate at which people spend money. In grief there is an exchange of our story of loss with others (i.e. support). Another term Demand which is the consumers desire to purchase fits with grief. When we grieve we have the desire to find (purchase) and hold on to support and comfort.
It wasn’t until this week that I realized my thoughts about these economic terms how to apply them to grief took focus. I hope my logic holds. Let me know.
I'm a link scavenger. My news feed looks for grief. I post about grief, loss, sorrow, and death. I wrote a memoir "Donna, A Photo Memoir of Love and Loss". This is jam. I have been doing since Donna's death in 2011 I guess I am the gezzer statesman of grief and loss.
Part of the excavation of my grief and self examination of my life with and without Donna has been first and foremost to learn. Integrate what I've learned into my consciousness. Second, I always thought, this maybe my believing my own PR, that I could offer insight for others suffering loss and grief. I wrote the memoir to help others. I remain focused on helping others and trying to find corners of the grief world to apply my understanding and share my story.
Hot Young Widows Club
In my news feed I got this link "The messy, complicated truth about grief" it was a TED Talk by Nora McInerny. Well you can't disagree with the fact grief is messy. So I watched. McInerny is an excellent, smart, on point, and funny speaker and teller of grief truths. I could unleash my inner self and take a read on that TED Talk. As Donna would say "Who the fuck made you the little critic." Word.
McInerny referenced a site she and her friend Moe Richardson started. It is called Hot Young Widows Club. Richardson and McInerny started this. I read they were sitting around a kitchen table sorting out their grief journey. (Hope that is true, the table.)
There is a wonderful ability and skill women have to find each other and help each other. Men not so much. I am a guide at the 9/11 Tribute Museum. The museum started as The September 11th Families' Association which began when widows of NYFD lost in the 9/11 terrorist attack needed to help each other. McInerny and Richardson saw the same need for widows and began their work in creating The Hot Young Widows Club. Gotta tip my hat to women, they know what is needed and are not shy about getting it done.
I clicked over to the HYWC site and took a read. Well written, smart, and totally fits into my grief compendium. I went to see about the club. Could dudes join. Here is a link What We are About will answer any questions you may have. And men could join.
I thought maybe I should join but I had some serious ass doubts about being read, since I am a broken old man and this club might just be filled with rando's who have no use for my grief journey. Nope no rando's because you had to pay $25 to register, a Certificate of Death was required, and their Policies are brilliant.
I applied. I was accepted. I will not look back. This was perhaps the best shitty club I ever joined. Let me deconstruct why I have that opinion. ( I have been in other support groups and they all were supportive and helpful so this is not my first rodeo.)
I am at a place now with my grief and the Memoir that I feel I have a strong, important, and meaningful message to share. So a new platform is a place to start over and apply what I have learned and learn more.
The demographics of this club skew to 20 and 30 year old's. In all my reading and writing and posting I never really considered love, loss, and grief to be part of this demographic. But fuck, it is. I will tell you, the stories and sharing of their losses and grief and needed support is a gut punch. Add to that the fact this age group grew up on social media, FB, Snap, IG, Twitter, etc. They know how to share, how to support, and how to ask for help. My heart ached my jaw dropped.
Why I Joined The Hot Young Widows Club
I have been a member of HYWC for a month. I will described the members in a clinical way. They are white blood cells that rush to where the pain is and help to heal. I have seen posts of unspeakable heart break. Every comment was deeply thought, clear, supportive, and meaningful. Not one douche comment. And the posts do not have to be about some trauma. Posts on asking how do get the guts and not cry when I go into my husbands tool box to get a tool to fix something are met with cheers and support. Posts about an idiot mother in law or co-worker are met with the best ass kicking truth I have ever read. What a fierce squad. I would love to think they have my six. You know what, they do.
There was a post on music and the comments were perfect fitting and smart. I think I posted the healing benefit of creating a Spotify Playlist for Donna. Another widower chimed in with his playlist for his wife. I downloaded it and it is a great list. I was listening while at the gym and could not help but smile. His music was far younger and hip than my playlist but I could feel what he was saying with each song. That is the genius of HYWC. We are each other.
As I read and listen to McInerny and Richardson the reality is my grief is alive and well. It is my shadow. The truth is my words and thoughts are ok or so so they pale next to these two women. They have done something and are doing something that anyone who has loved and lost a loved one should avail themselves of #HYWC.