Donna, my wife of 28 plus years, died August 7, 2011. Her death pierced my heart. I long for the life we had and rue the one I live.
Hemingway noted this, You write a book for two people, yourself and the woman you love.
Shortly after her passing I began to write a memoir. That's not a 100% accurate. I wrote an essay about my ideation. "The Stalking Horse Called Grief". I shared it with a neighbor who was the chair of a Comparative Lit Department. She suggested I should submit it to the New Yorker. I did. It didn't. What did happen was her belief that I had a memoir in me.
Writing turned down the flames of grief consuming me. My words filled me like water taking the shape of the vessel holding it. It shaped my grief into memories that became this memoir.
Donna, A Photo Memoir of Love and Loss.
This memoir is for Donna, for me, and for you. This is where I plumb the depths love and loss. It is where my grief journey and work reside. Most of all it's a place for memories and love. Hope lives in these pages because of love.
I'd like to believe if you read this memoir it becomes a conversation with me about our shared experiences with love and loss. It is a connection that reinforces our humanity. Bring your memories. Bring your hope. Sharing our memories is part of our grief work. It is the common bond we share to navigate our loss.
The Memoir
Donna, A Photo Memoir of Love and Loss is a brave and beautiful photo-narrative of a marriage filled with heart, humor, and tears—without despair. This memoir of hope pieces together a life-time of touching and magical memories, focusing on the journey from terminal diagnosis to death and a husband’s life after death. ‘Donna’ tells the story of how and why it did last 30 years and what came before they met—including a box of never-before seen photos unaided by her voice or history.
Grief does not just happen. Grief is a symptom, an outcome of a loss. Grief demands a reckless examination of loss so we may see the light of our memories.
Some readers’ comments:
“A healing exercise for the writer and the reader.“
"It is beautiful. Funny, complicated, awful, lyrical, and beautiful.”
“A complex story of love and death simply told in words and photos.”
“Raw and touching.”
“A reader’s guide through tragedy, with welcome injections of humor.”
““Now I began to learn that I could be alone and be me and not self-loathe. I accepted that I was not surrendering me to be with her—I was becoming me. Ripping away some of my ego, I found underneath, the person she loved.” I loved this so much.
“Mark, Wanted to tell you again how moved I was by the book and the bravery it took for you to bare your soul like that.”
“Mark- I am floored and awed and in tears and overwhelmed. This is beautiful. So visceral. Even if I didn’t know you or Donna, I can’t imagine being less impacted. Just wow.”
A true journey in defined grief. A visual reminder of loss and relentless anguish in tiny and unexpected moments. A person, a relationship, in the rawest form.
Mark described a sentiment echoed by Donna’s friends: “I was thrilled to be allowed into Donna’s life.”
And that’s exactly what their story leaves the reader feeling—incredibly lucky to be allowed in.