What does a brilliant and award winning science fiction book published in 1977 have in common with this channel and my sharing about love, loss, and grief. I guess I should say listen and find out... nah I'll share a bit. With this excellent book is a mention of something that caught my eye. It was the idea of feel vs know. I wanted to know more. Before I did that whole search thing for it I finished the book and there was more about it specific to loss and grief and emotions.
Read moreAnniversary Dates and Memories
Our Cake Topper
May 15th is my wedding anniversary. Donna and I were married May 15, 1983. This would be or is our 40th anniversary. Interesting that writing that exemplifies the struggle for me to use past tense or current tense. We're still married even if the line about till death do us part exists. Her death did not part us. In a way it brought us closer. The wound of grief allowed light in to me. I discovered more about me, us, and her as I slow walked my grief path.
Read moreRandom Acts of Meaning
For me this random kindness behavior began after Donna died and got deeply involved in the grief community. I found that those who took a moment to recognize my struggle or just note a kind word about all I was going through gave me a lift. Made me feel less alone and broken. So much so that I began to do the same for them and expand that to others randomly. It works for me and will work for you. Try it out. Take a moment. Give a bit of kindness and see.
Read moreThe Voice Inside Me
Knowing what we're going though and being kind to ourselves is just as important. We should listen to our inner voice that speaks to us. Allow it to heard by others as a validation that we are alive and in motion.
Read more2024 Week 8
The week of stuff
Read more2024 Week 7
This weeks finds.
Read more2024 Week 5
This weeks finds
Read more2024 Week 4
Week 4 of mmmmm still not sure what to call this? Talking to myself cuz no one wants to hear me? Sharing but not sharing? Stream of consciousness not dissimilar to an old with a slightly enlarged prostate peeing and trying to write his name in the snow. Better
Read more2024 Week 3
Another week of SM shares that did not get SM shared but are here. Untagged unloved unnoticed. I guess this is my public journal of me journaling. Well not really journaling since I’m not gnashing my teeth about me and the world and my life. More just here is what I find cool and groovy. Hope you do as well.
Read more2024 Week 2
I thought this was a slow week for shares. Turns out this is a dogs breakfast of stuff I found, reacted to, and would have share on SM.
Read moreCalling Out Her Name
Excerpt from the poem “All of Us” by Raymond Carver
The collision of memories and the audible Donna were comforting. I was speaking to her in the moment. A sort of after death continuum of our narrative in spoken word. One word. It was a pastoral glade of memories that in its comfort would gnaw on me with doubts and fears.
Read more2024 Week 1
My modest effort will be to eschew direct SM posts and collect the weeks worth of what I would have shared here. No SM shares of this or even tags. Just this week I read this, saw this, and was struck by that, All of which would have been IG or FB worthy. With the failed logic of my posse on these platforms would value this and click likes or comment
Read more"Age of Invisible" Prologue
On the good days he awoke to an origami swan of memories neatly folded and tucked into the present. It was not sadness just acceptance that he was here and alone. But the swan was there and gave comfort to him alone. He held the swan in his hand and flew it around the morning sun marveling at its joy.
Read moreAm I Out of The Woods Yet?
As the title states I'm trying to find my own way. To reach a clearing emerging from my grief journey of deep shadows, fallen trees, bits of light filtered through the branches, the scent of decaying leaves, and mud that fights me on my journey. Right here I will admit that I'm not sure I've reached that clearing. I do see some light and open meadows. I've been fooled before.
Read moreRedemption Tour
Since Donna died I measured myself, her death, her love for me, and what it all means. I held the tape measure up to it all. I found solace in what was analysis. Not the raw emotions. It became exposition on my grief. Negligence to not till the soil of my loss to make what grows from that trauma grow. I thought I grew, changed, as I struggled.
Read more4,384 Days: A Journey of Loss & Love Part II
So 4,384 days after Donna died and what I learned from her death and her being in my life. Donna is dead. Donna is not coming back. Donna I hope is waiting for me. I can join her at my will. She carried me here. I carried her here. My grief is there but so is all I've become and knowing what I've not become. That is what we had/have the difference between something that makes sense or something that makes you fall in love.
Read more4,384 Days: A Journey of Loss & Love Part I
Some of Donna’s ashes released in Maine
On August 7, 2011 Donna died in hospice. She entered hospice exactly 21 days prior. She was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer 938 days before her death. Or 22,512 hours.
August 7, 2011 was 10,311 days after we were married on May 15, 1983. We had 247,464 hours of marriage, love, and more.
This anniversary will be 4,384 days since her death. That is 105,216 hours of grief, memories, hurt, and learning.
Read moreFinding Presence - Again (i.e. Not Dead Inside)
Jodie Comer signed Playbill “Prima Facie”
Even after these years of grieving and loss this random moment tells me I'm not died inside. I can feel what I felt when I first met Donna, a presence that captured me. Held me in awe. A presence that bolstered my being. Comer passed by me in a nano second but left a deep impression not just of her as an artist but a reminder of my ability to feel again. To see again. To be again.
Read moreTrying to Explain Norway to a Dog
All I can say is it feels like what I write about is like explaining Norway to a dog. I'm not sure what I write, share, and video really speaks to what I feel or want to say. It must be my failure to communicate. I knew Nina our Westie heard my words but Nina kept turning her head trying to figure it out.
Read moreAge of Invisible Chapter 4
“How are you going to meet a woman and bring her into your loft that’s a shrine to Donna?” Gail said.
Read more