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'Alice in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll's children's novel about a girl who enters a fantasy world of anthropomorphic creatures where all logic is not logical. Carroll's subsequent book 'Alice Through the Looking-Glass’ has Alice enter another fantasy world by climbing through a mirror where everything is in reverse.
These two books capture, in a fantastical way, life before Donna died (BDD) and after Donna died (ADD). 'Alice in Wonderland' reflects our life and marriage.
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Continuing my previous post Touching Grass where I referenced a play I am working on and how that exercise afforded me the chance to discover what I am failing to see within me. I wanted to share a short excerpt from a scene.
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This piece is from 2016 in my Podcast era. It still rings so very valid. Also, for a nanosecond reading it again I believed my own PR. Nah, just seems so on point. When you read the old stuff you wrote you see a then and a now, which is critical to measuring change. If it’s not measured it can’t be healed. Right?
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Since Donna died I measured myself, her death, her love for me, and what it all means. I held the tape measure up to it all. I found solace in what was analysis. Not the raw emotions. It became exposition on my grief. Negligence to not till the soil of my loss to make what grows from that trauma grow. I thought I grew, changed, as I struggled.
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Some of Donna’s Ashes put to sea in Maine
I sit in my ersatz solitary confinement trying to ferret out meaning and purpose. Poking my snout into holes seeking the scent of a voice that I can harvest to resonate with others as Abbey has. There are many ghosts and just the me of me that places a Jersey Barricade in my path.
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