As the world began to slowly opened up from the devastation of our collective pandemic life it became crystal clear the crushing effect of my isolation and grief for 16 months. I could not help to think this is similar to being boiled like a frog on a low simmer. Finally, I was done. Skin as raw as my emotions. My drive to create, build, and do was simply floating lifeless in the pot. Simmering.
Random acts of discovery or perhaps a divine intervention. A podcast that I am very fond of To The Best of Our Knowledge appeared in my peripheral life .
Read more5 Types of Grief, The Impact of Grief, The Pandemic and Teens Mental Health, Teens anxiety and returning to normal, and Learning to Live Without a Loved One. A look at these interesting and valuable articles.
Read moreComing from the world of medical education and clinical trials I tend to lean into long-term outcomes that are durable, meaning someone is supported over time with purpose and meaning. Crisis intervention saves lives and nothing is more important. SchoolPulse can save lives and help support lives over time.
Read moreGrief sucks. Just sucks. There’s data. Excellent clinical data that not only sucks the emotional life out of us. It sucks the actual life out of us in very biological ways. This post is my reading of an article by Ann Finkbeiner in the New York Times “What Happens in the Body During Grief”.
Read moreMemories are how we learn. As we age our experience grows largely through our memories. Adults learn from experiences which become memories. New and meaningful experiences (i.e. memories) are integrated it into our consciousness. The more meaningful the experience the more deeply it is embedded into our memories.
Read moreThree pieces worthy of reading 1. Alan Watts on Love It’s an act of faith a gamble 2. Memories & Grief A quick hit on a brilliant piece Our past our future linked even in loss 3. Pandemic Grief Scale So troubling our future grief pandemic
Read moreIt was joining HYWC that some profound changes/discoveries began.
I discovered I was not alone in my grief. Though writing and reading about the grief I knew I learned we all grieve and grieve differently. We are all in pain. We all want to share our story. Being among these HYWC wids I discovered. A brilliance of our shared grief. The Venn of our pain and hurt. How we all can learn, grow, and support others grieving.
Read moreThis post is my visceral grief imbibed cleansing of my emotional palate after watching Normal People. There is the art of Normal People. Each shot, the framing, the lighting, the music, the facial expressions of the actors/actresses, and so much more.
Read moreOn March 5, 2020 at 2pm I logged on to the Crisis Text Line platform to take my first shift. A baby chick. A Level Zero. At 4pm on that day I ended my first shift as a Level 1 and nearly vomited. Walked to get dinner on shaking legs. Thus began my year as a Crisis Text Line Volunteer Crisis Counselor.
Read moreThis grief, my grief, occupies a vault within me. A compartment connected to all the other compartments in my mind and heart. This compartment leaks like a thatched roof in a monsoon memories to all parts of me. Around me the world at large. The world outside of the within me is my life as I know it. It's the outside compartments with less grief. More life sans meaning & purpose for me. This outside world devours me as well and has an equal effect on me as the grief within me.
Read moreNora and Moe created a space a place where grief and loss and pain can thrive. Grief can have a life beyond the crushing sense of loss where it pulls relentless at you and breaks your every moment. Nora and Moe have taken grief out of the darkness and allowed it to be shared in a way that I and others have learned to live with it.
Read moreThree quick references on grief. How to navigate being stuck, broken, and unmotivated after a loss. The death of a colleague can be devastating for all some great tips to help everyone. Amazing list of online support groups when you’re grieving.
Read moreThere is that specter of hubris that chases me with relentless inquiries “Will you dance with me?” I won’t. Not because I’m smarter and more self actualized about all the psycho shit in my head. I just know I’m not worthy of hubris or self-actualized feels that says I am good either in my head or out loud.
Read moreLoving myself has always been the bur under the saddle of self-worth. It was there poking at me and making my ride forward problematic. It was largely kept in check though sheer will and that I didn’t have to look at myself in relation to others. That damn do I measure up syndrome. Thank you the pandemic and isolation.
Read moreThere exists a ‘grief illiteracy’ in our collective lives. I would say with 20/20 hindsight the grief has animated my sense of loss which is new, a deeper understanding of Donna and what love is, the sincere wish I could share what I am learning and doing with others in the same state of shit.
Read moreThree great reads on grief 1. Surge Capacity our ability to survive stresses faced in Covid times. This works for grief 2. A review of yogi Shabkar work in loss and grief. Important. 3 Pandemic & Isolation so much written but this is is clear applicable to our grief.
Read moreFollowing Donna’s death I examined my loss and my grief relentlessly. Closure was never an option. Closure is indifference. Closure is denial said pretty. Closure ignores who Donna was and who she is within me. In my grief journey/work I’ve discovered three domains. We all grieve differently and each of our grief journeys are entirely unique. I attacked my grief hard and discovered its purpose and meaning for me. My wound of grief allowed light to enter.
Read moreDinner on Sunday was low key. The walk home, only two blocks, was difficult. Each step Donna took was painful and slow. She walked like one of Jerry’s kids on a telethon with braces.
Read moreWith a damp index finger he pushed little drops of condensation away. Swiping left right left right making rivulets to sharpen the image. The finger touched the nose in the mirror slowly then moved up and left and stroked the left eye. He tapped it to see if it would blink. No blink just an eye looking back into his eyes.
Read moreThis year the days leading up to and the day Donna died were unremarkable in a way. The pain and longing was there and darted like bats from the pitch black corners and recesses of my mind at random times was present. Flying at my face always fresh, new, and like WTF. It seems new every year and most days in between.
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