Giving Your Grief Space
This article from Rewire 'How I Gave My Grief Space When a Loved One Died' by Gretchen Brown (@gretch_brown) offers some excellent advice/recommendations on how and what to do to give support to someone who is grieving.
Top of her list is: listening. Oh yes do that. I know for me when Donna died my friends, family, and neighbors just sat patiently and listened as I rambled on about Donna, how to make egg salad, and how lost I was. Made all the difference.
Brown adds there are no magic words. Let me second that N O M A G I C W O R D S
Anther excellent point Brown makes is don't try to alevate the pain. It is not your job to repair. I know for me when I hear 'Perhaps you'll find closure now." Just drives me crazy and I dig in more. My grief, my timeline, and my process. Not yours.
Brown adds it is okay for you to grieve as well. You don’t have to go into denial because another is in grief. Allow your own time to grieve.
Lots of feels here. KWWL.com news (@KWWL) in Waterloo, Iowa had a segment "Clarksville High School Students Make Memory Boxes for Grieving Families"
High Schoolers in Clarksville industrial design class are making wooden boxes which were originally made so children and families at University of Iowa Stead Family Children's Hospital could decorate them. The original use became 'memory boxes' given to parents whose child died to hold hospital bands and other memories.
The boxes are unnamed so the families could decorate them as well.
This is a terrific idea that can help anyone. I know I would like to have a box to hold Donna's treasured items. In fact this would be a wonderful exercise to do as part of a grief support group event.
Working and Mourning
NBCnews (@NBCNewsBETTER) had this piece written by Nicole Spector (@NicoleSpector) 'Working while mourning: How to grieve when you're on the job'. I have posted on this topic of grieving and working as well. Here is that link.
Spector's piece is excellent and filled with great ideas and insights. It even contains a survey on how much time did you take off after the death of a loved one.
Spector makes the following points 'Grieving is like breathing': You have to do it. So do it. This fits with my experience and attitude toward grieving. The greater your connection and understanding of your grief the more light and knowledge will enter that wound called grief.
Spector offers some great tips:
Be honest with your boss and co-workers
Set up time to grieve during your day
Re-center though breath
Mundane tasks have meaning.
I know for me making the bed every day etc helps
Grief is self-care and crying as healing
Spector did a great job here. She gets this entire grief cluster f*** and work. This is really worth the read. She offers so much good, clear, and easy information to use at work or anywhere.