Giving your grief space a how to support someone in bereavement. Memory boxes are a wonderful gift for those who lost a loved one. Working, mourning, and the job how to find balance and comfort.Read More
Grief is an artesian aquifer that lies deep within us in a dormant state. It flows up between the cracks of our bedrock memories when a loved one dies. This aquifer of grief is part love and part light. It holds a subtle promise to quench our loss and sustain usRead More
Did I really move forward? Is there a New Normal for me? No, I ache. I speak aloud to Donna at home. I miss her and love her even more. After eight years the acute ache has dulled. What is not dull is the clarity of my vision on my memories, Donna, me, us, and love.Read More
Talking About Grief? Just Do It!
Jess Denham wrote this "Why We Need to Talk About Grief" published in the UK edition of Harpers Bazaar. Denham's opening line says it all:
I thought grief was something that happened to other people. I thought it meant being really sad for a long time. It is something more complex and what we will all face.
See my quote by CS Lewis from A Grief Observed. Here
Denham gets it because she has been there. Her father recently died and she was thrust onto the grief path. This is less a self help for those of us in the throws of grief or those who find our grief sneaking up dope slapping us years after out loss. Denham is talking to you about your grief and your emotions and feelings about grief. Each and everyone isl valid and deserves to see the light of day. We are not served well to stand in a dark empty warehouse whispering about our loss because we don’t want to be Debbie/Dougie Downers. Those who do not want to be around us buzz kill grievers move on and don’t do no harm. Here are some bullet points from Denham’s article:
Those who grieve feel isolation. Help them feel part of the world
Let the one grieving feel vulnerable. Don’t shut them down with “You have to accept the new normal.” Grrrrr
Ask them about the person they lost. Then wait and listen (see below)
More on the link pop over and see.
Joe Fassler’s interview with Jayson Greene struck a resonant chord with me on a number of fronts. Greene's 2-year old daughter died and he wrote a memoir to help him survive. "Once We Saw the Stars" I know that feeling. We all do who grieve.
Donna my wife of 28+ years died in 2011. Before her death and after I tasked myself with attacking my grief, understanding my pain, and finding light within my darkness I was thrust into. Part of that was blogging, podcasting, and writing a memoir about Donna, us, love, and loss. Joining HYWC too.
Greene makes very salient points that are helping me understand what at times felt as if I was charging windmills when in reality I was seeking clarity.
Key was the quote from the Inferno
“Some of the beautiful things that heaven bears, Where we come forth, and once more saw the stars.”
As time progressed I have written more and read more about grief and my grief path. I have come to realize the 'beauty heaven bears’ by the full throated embracing of my grief and the task of writing a memoir about Donna and us.
Donna, A Photo Memoir of Love and Loss was the story, as Greene says: “to excavate out of myself, something that I had to tell to live.” This interview holds something for all of us grieving and trying to find our grief path.
Mourning While Working
NBCNews had this article by Nicole Spector "Working while mourning: How to grieve when you're on the job" I have written about this issue of grief and employees here. Spector goes into to some welcome detail and how-to tips which we can all benefit from. When I say all I mean those of us in grief, employees, and co-workers. Below are some points Spector makes. Read the piece, it is good. Also share it with your employer.
Don’t deny or ignore your grief even when working.
Honesty is the best policy at work
Set some time aside at work to measure your emotions your grief
Even the most mundane tasks give us meaning (I make my bed)
Grief is a form of self-care
Put the picture on the desk.
This is great tip filled smart article. If you are new to grief or its darkness sneaks up on you take a read it will help. It helped me.
Part of the excavation of my grief and self examination of my life with and without Donna has been first and foremost to learn. Integrate what I've learned into my consciousness. Second, I always thought that I could offer insight for others suffering loss and grief. I am at a place now with my grief and the Memoir that I feel I have a strong, important, and meaningful message to share.Read More
Grief is the Thing with Feathers gives us all a chance to step back, sit down, and think about our grief in real terms. Harsh terms. Powerful terms. We can find our life and world in this play.Read More
There are neurobiological reasons why our memories and our grief are inexorably connected. It has nothing to do with us being crazy, lost, or incapable of closureRead More
I am creating a tapestry of memories and emotions to carry with me like the Bedouin moving from one safe place to another safe place knowing they have all that they need to thrive.Read More
Caregiving is helping a loved one live well. The price we pay is shuttling between our life and their death. We exchange life’s water with the wilting of the loved one, nourishing them over and over while our life erodes. Yet our spirit sings the joy of giving hope and succor.Read More
Grief Dreams have a place in our lives and it’s not all bad. Love and you’ll grieve and love again. Helping each other in our caregiver role. Workplace education to improve grief support.Read More
My upcoming anniversary drives memories of our wedding.Read More
Sometimes even gaming we can find meaning in our grief. Grief is not valueless nor vapid it offers us much. Music even happy music makes us grieve.Read More
You can phone your grief in. Art and grief creates real healing and hope. Polite dinner conversations should include death and dying.Read More
Have you ever filed an article in a read later folder and a week or two later open it and smack yourself because you hadn't read it sooner? I did and here is this gem on grief, grieving, and more. An important piece on grief and loss.Read More
Yiyun Li’s stunning story about death and grief, Seneca the Greek philosopher in 41 examines grief, and arranging funerals and grief. I add my experience with that exercise.Read More
Employees and employers are the single most important community to help with grief, grief support, and mourning.Read More
Some links on How Should You Grieve, Closure Is Indifference, and Death and Grief in the Digital AgeRead More
End-of-Life A film examines how death is what we all face yet most run in fear. “No Me Dejas” a brilliant Science Fiction short story about transferring memories. It’s what we do with loss and grief. A short paper on Death, Grief, and Family Dynamics.Read More